The Ballad of Sailor Bill: A Timeline of the Tortoise in the White House
- Thread starter King of the Uzbeks
- Start date
Plot twist: Nixon didn’t resign over Watergate ITTL; he resigned the day after that got leaked to the press.
Tripwire - Gerald Ford
It was late at night, but Gerald Ford was still awake. There was so much on his mind. Nixon, Vietnam, the Soviet Union, Inflation, the vast power he now possessed.
He got out of bed, careful not to disturb Betty, and left the bedroom. Perhaps a midnight stroll would clear his mind…
His foot caught something, and he tripped forwards. Something hard and round hit him in the gut, flipping him as he fell. He wound up splayed on the flour, his head ringing.
Gingerly lifting himself he looked back and saw Sailor Bill, looking entirely placid.
"Oops."
PrezZF
Banned
Short, and to the point! I love it!! And if the public found out about it, SNL would have a ton of material to use...
Puzzle
Donor
Just to try to resurrect a small part of Gerald Ford's legacy, he was a star football player and had the chance to go pro. Tripping over an oversized turtle isn't in the same range of hits he absorbed. Bill might be in more danger.
Gerald Ford - Wikipedia
There are a few things to consider:Just to try to resurrect a small part of Gerald Ford's legacy, he was a star football player and had the chance to go pro. Tripping over an oversized turtle isn't in the same range of hits he absorbed. Bill might be in more danger.
Gerald Ford - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org
1: You may be right, both are fine.
2: This is not the first time I have tripped Ford over in a Timeline. This was less harmful than the last time.
3: Go Bucks!
Home Stand - Jimmy Carter
The Tortoise White House is one of the most anticipated stops on any White House Tour. Although Sailor Bill is generally allowed to wander the White House at will, the Tortoise White House is ultimately his home.
The Tortoise White House is most commonly seen as the heated hut situated alongside the Kennedy Garden outside the East Wing of the White House. However, there is more to the structure, and its history, than that.
The first heated outdoor enclosure was facing Lafayette Square, established during the administration of Calvin Coolidge. It was a hastily built enclosure, with searing lights providing warmth. The original Tortoise White House, which was not white, seems to have been lost in the shuffle of the large-scale reconstruction done during the Truman Administration. Sailor Biill never made the move to the Blair House, instead bouncing around the White House while the building was gutted and rebuilt.
Eisenhower would situate Sailor Bill in the West Wing, upon entering office, bringing him closer to the Oval Office. However, Bill’s new accommodations were not much better than his old ones. Some zoologists complained that he was not being cared for properly in the current state of things.
In 1977, after assuming the Presidency, one of Jimmy Carter’s tweaks was asking for funding for the care and upkeep of Sailor Bill, alongside a one-time appropriation for a proper Tortoise enclosure for Sailor Bill. Despite Carter’s testy relationship with Congress, this measure passed with ease. The Tortoise White House would return, this time permanently, to the East Wing. The Eisenhower-era structure would be donated to the Smithsonian, where it was the subject of a jurisdictional fight between the Museum of Natural History and the Museum of American History.
The new Tortoise White House was developed with input from the American Zoological Association and the National Zoo, aiming to be a proper habitat for a Giant Tortoise. An area was fenced off and covered with sand and rocks and scrub, to better imitate a natural environment for a Tortoise of Bill’s type. The new heated house featured more advanced heating lamps and was humorously crafted to look like the actual White House. However, this was not the end of the enclosure. At the back of the outdoor White House is a doorway that, when open, leads into an indoor enclosure. The indoor enclosure is smaller and not available for most tours, used mainly during the winter, which is when Bill is more likely to wander the halls. This is also near the office of the White House Veterinarian.
The White House Veterinarian is not a full-time position and is often a supplement to a senior veterinary role at the Nation Zoo. They are responsible for the care of Sailor Bill, and so typically have some herpetology specialty, but have also been given the responsibility for looking after any other Presidential pets.
The Tortoise White House was originally powered by solar panels, but those were removed during the Reagan Administration before eventually being returned during the Obama years. Other modifications have been made.
The 'lawn' of the Tortoise White House is occasionally strewn with gifts Sailor Bill has received over the course of his long and storied career. Donations from children, civic groups, and even foreign governments. Only those deemed tasteful and apolitical are chosen, which naturally means there is a controversy every so often. No one has ever quite figured out why his favorite one to chew is a small CN Tower.
Despite the complaints of a few fringe groups, informed observers agree that the Tortoise White House is among the finest reptile enclosures in the world, and will keep Sailor Bill secure for the rest of his days.
This... is a foreseeable yet still hilarious event.
Nah, Bill’s a dude. I think you’re confusing this for a part at the beginning where it’s explained that the sailor who found Bill didn’t actually know how to determine the gender of a tortoise and just guessed, with The White House only getting it confirmed later.
It's almost OTL; Carter had the White House roof fitted with solar panels (not IIRC power panels, thermal ones for the heating/cooling system) and Reagan upon taking possession had them ripped out.
Politics and messaging. Attacks on environmentalism as extremist and wrong were part of the political package Reagan and his supporters counted on to win.
That's why.
Flash Point: Ronald Reagan
History of American Protest
Online discussion (2 pts)
Today's reading covered the history of Sailor Bill in protest movements, from the Cold War until the present day. Please write a response analyzing the roles Sailor Bill has played. Be sure to reply to someone else's comment as well.
Elmer M: Sailor Bill occupies an awkward psyche in the world of protest against the American government. He is at once a symbol of the American government, but also of America as a concept. Sailor Bill has emerged as a powerful part of both American culture and counterculture. Protests surrounding Sailor Bill can be divided into three separate types. Symbolic, using Bill as a way to call attention to an issue. Offensive, attacking Bill as part of the United States Government. And Defensive, accusing the Government of dishonoring Sailor Bill.
Three of the prime examples of symbolic protests against Sailor Bill came during the Reagan administration. As per the reading, activists dumped red paint in him while he was at the National Zoo, protesting Reagan's ambivalence towards AIDS. At the White House Easter Egg Roll, activists unfurled an anti-apartheid banner in front of him before being tackled by the Secret Service. And in 1986 an antisemitic visitor was bitten by Bill while trying to draw a swastika on him with a Sharpie. Only one line was completed, thankfully. These examples highlight the symbolic power of Sailor Bill. As a national symbol, any protest that impacts him is national news. Thus, protesters use him as a billboard, like graffiting the White House.
Offensive protests view Sailor Bill negatively, often viewing him as reflective of American Imperialism. He was, after all, taken without any permission from a South American Island and brought to the United States by a fleet showing American might. As such he is occasionally burned in effigy. People who believe in those 'reptile people control the world' theories probably wouldn't like him, byt there weren't any sources in that reading. Offensive protests are controversial, even among groups doing the protesting, and not just because they fear backlash. The question "Will Sailor Bill be killed as Revolutionary Justice" has been the cause of at least two splits between leftist groups, and has been known to cause discourse on social media.
Defensive protests take the exact opposite view of Sailor Bill, instead they view him as unjustly used for political ends by the government. This most obviously crops up when he is utilized for military recruitment, but also occurs in other areas. Secularist groups, for example, have protested his prominence at the Easter Egg Roll and Tree Lighting. Defensive protesters can often have signs saying "Bill Says Hands Of Our Medicare" or something along those lines. The common phrase 'the only honest man in Washington isn't a man at all' encapsulates this sentiment neatly.
Christian C: Interesting perspective! I do wonder where a group like PETA's protests against Sailor Bill would fall. They certainly are defensive of him, but it has little to do with Government policy, just that he is a captive animal.
Bobby O: I agree.
Julian T: Great Analysis Elmer!
Eve W: I do think all of these are reflective if his symbolic value. Oppositionists see him a symbol of American tyranny, Supporters see him as a positive symbol, of American ideals. But he’s a symbol for everyone.
Holy Zeus
They actually threw red paint on a tortoise!
Also nice one Bill on that antisemitic visitor
I am away from my computer at the moment, but I now have the urge to open Photoshop and create a “This Machine Bites Nazis” bumper sticker with Sailor Bill on it.
Secret History - George H.W. Bush
The Bermuda Triangle is bullshit.
Which, that applies to many things, but still.
Explanations for the inexplicable are as old as humanity. Where did we come from? Where did that mountain come from? That sort of thing. And even when things are explainable, some of us will search for alternative explanations. Kennedys and Roswells and so on and so forth.
So it is logical then, that people look for an explanation for the Bermuda Triangle. All those mysterious disappearances in need of an explanation.
Except, well, there aren't. There are no disproportionate losses in the area. To ships or planes. It is a mystery in search of an enigma. It is like asking who shot Al Gore in 1997, or coming up with elaborate explanations for why the sky is Green.
Such is the case of the much lauded "Curse of Sailor Bill."
The basic gist of the Curse is that a First Family who does not get along well with Bill is not lasting long.
Opinions are split on if Bill doesn't like doomed Presidents or if he himself brings doom on Presidents he doesn't like. Opinion is sharply divided on if the Curse applies to Presidents, families, or other person.
The classic cases cited are JFK and Ford. Sailor Bill had the Easter Egg incident and the Caroline Kennedy incident, and then JFK was blown away in Dallas. Ford infamously tripped over Sailor Bill, and was rewarded with the shortest term of any President who did not die in office.
Of course one can point to the fact that Ford was always going to have a short term, coming as he did late into Nixon's second one. There always are reasonable explanations.
But even accepting the basic idea that Sailor Bill grants/reflects the mandate of heaven to Presidents, the Curse theory falls flat.
Sailor Bill got along famously with George HW Bush and his dogs. Millie in particular is considered one of Bill's closest canine companions in all of his years at the White House. Even her puppies, including W's dog Spotty got along famously with the Tortoise. Yet Bush went down in history as a one term President.
Nor do negative relations with Bill always drag down a Presidency. Wilson was at best indifferent. And Lucky and Rex, the Reagan dogs did not get along well with Bill. Theorists may point to health troubles and late term failures, but those are just par for the course.
Not helping the matter is any number of urban legends. Sailor Bill was not, for example, eating a potato peel when Dan Quayle made his famed gaffe. Nor did he never bite Elvis during the latter's visit to the White House.
The end result is mostly that there is a great deal of buzz whenever Sailor Bill does something that is seen as notable. Gossip swirls trying to discern his meaning. More often than not, it seems more likely it is simply the wanderings of a tortoise, or his pursuit of food. To say nothing about conspiracies aside from the curse. It is sometimes difficult to tell where jokes about who really runs the country end and where conspiracies about reptile people begin. Or allegations that the nuclear codes are stored on him. Or that he has died twice and been replaced. Or that he is imbued with the spirits of every President. Or that he has a fully automated weapons system under his shell.
Plain crazy talk.
Still…some cannot help but wonder.