Excerpt from "Oblivious, Oregon", Henry Rollins, live at Shepherd's Bush Empire, London, 2004.
"Just before I left for the USO Tour in Congo, I got a call from Ben Folds. I kinda know Ben, we'd played a lot of the same festivals in Europe, we waved at each other but that was about it.
"Hi Henry, it's Ben, I'm producing a record and I want you involved".
"OK, you need someone to go get pizza and drinks, empty ashtrays? I can do that but I'm not scoring drugs for you"
"No, I want you involved in the record itself"
"No way, that's insane"
"Oh Henry, you have no idea, it's a record for William Shatner"
Now I know you've all been high, I mean contemplating the nature of the universe high, but how many of you have been "Ben Folds, William Shatner and Henry Rollins on one record High? Right?
So I have to answer "Ben, that sounds fucking insane - I'm in"
"Cool, I know you're away, come over when you get back and we'll make it happen"
So I go to Congo, I play the shows, I meet the troops and I take a 28 hour journey from Kinshasa to Johannesburg, South Africa, Johannesburg to London, onto New York and from New York I land in Nashville.
I have had no sleep, I am hallucinating, I get in a cab and go to the studio.
That's where I meet William Shatner. He is 70 but has all the energy of a toddler that has discovered crack cocaine.
"HENRY! Good To Meet You, I'm Bill"
"Good to meet you too Sir"
"BEN, Play Him The Track"
Ben plays this track, it's a Bill on a 3 minute rant about things he can't get behind to a drum beat.
"HENRY, I Want To Do Another Song Like This But With You".
"Well, I think it might seem a bit odd, a record with two rant songs, it'd be lopsided, like it would roll like an egg, how about we redo this one, I'll say one, you say one, like call and response"
"HENRY, That's A Marvellous Idea"
So I write a list of about a hundred things I can't get behind and three minutes later I hand it over to Ben, he cuts it down to about ten, we work it in, rehearse and we go.
"Oh guys, I got us a new drummer, they're gonna sit in on this as the session guy had to go"
No problem. I have no idea who Ben got or how he got them, but this new drummer is insane, like part punk, part jazz, heavy as the first four Black Sabbath albums combined. Bill starts, I start and we're golden. We record four or five takes and the drumming is just getting crazier. it's awesome and the energy is just incredible.
"BEN, HENRY, I'm Thinking We Need A Guitar I Hear A Guitar, What Do You Think"?
"I'm good" I say, I mean all I hear is a high pitched ringing in my ear since 1982...
"OK" says Ben, "I got a guy, let me just grab him"
Oh Cool, Ben just happens to have a guy, Ben opens the door and this guy walks in.
I AM IN SHOCK!
In walks probably one of the worlds greatest guitar players, he's played with David Bowie, Prince and oh yeah, King Fuckin Crimson!
Adrian Belew.
My mind is blown, I worship this guy like a GOD. I start to walk towards him and Ben is like "DON'T, Henry. Do not slobber on him, do not breath on him, do not paw him with that sweaty excuse for a hand, just NO"
Now like I said, you've all been high, but never Ben Folds, William Shatner, Henry Rollins and
Adrian Belew all on one record high.
We listen to the track, he nods, the mics come out, the drummer starts, the energy is absolutely insane, we record another version, it is absolutely golden.
Bill looks up, "You Want To Do One More Henry"?
"I can always go one more"
we look at Adrian, he's like fuck it, let's go
Ben Buzzes the intercom to the drummer who's in the booth next door "OK, You ready to go one more"
"Sure, let's do it, make it so Captain" comes a voice from the booth.
A familiar voice
A voice I know I should know, and I can't place it. But I know that voice from somewhere...
We turn around and do one more.
We are gasping like spent fish,
the song is done, Bill is absolutely bouncing and is taking us all for dinner.
Then the drummer joins us in the studio from her booth.
Now, you've been high. I mean really fucking high. You understand the reason for every atom high, even.
But you have never been Ben Folds, William Shatner, Henry Rollins, Adrian Belew and Karen
motherfucking Carpenter all on one fucking record High.
Cheech and Chong have never been that fucking high while smoking their way through the gross national product of Jamaica listening to Frank Zappa. We are talking so high you duck under the Hubble Space Telescope high at this point to get to this combination.
"I can't believe you never called me, you jerk"
I have never been so embarrassed, then elated in one moment in time at the same time. She remembered me. Oh Shit, she remembered me!
Luckily, Bill saved the day.
"HENRY, KAREN, Why Don't We Get Lunch? My Guy From The Eastern Seaboard Is Flying In Today With Freshly Caught Scallops, They'll Be Wonderful.
Now I have no idea what a scallop is. And I guess Karen could read the look on my face. She starts playing on how this guy must be special to catch scallops, and how he does it bare handed.
"Bare handed" I asked?
"Oh yes, scallops are quite a thing to catch, aren't they Bill, especially bare handed, they can be ever so dangerous" she chimed in.
By now Bill has caught on too. "Oh Yes HENRY, Out There Alone, Underwater, In The Wild! It Requires Nerves Of Steel"
And I swallowed it.
Hook, Line and Sinker...
It was an awesome lunch, Bill is super polite, he's talking to everyone, taking photos and signing autographs, while Karen, Ben, Adrian and I are talking like we'ver known each other forever - it's the Bill effect.
And so, you may have been high, You may have consumed more drugs than Timothy Leary, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and the entire writing staff of the Banana Splits, but you have never been Ben Folds, William Shatner, Adrian Belew, Karen Carpenter and Henry Rollins, sat in a 5 star restaurant in Nashville eating scallops, (which I now know are shellfish by the way), high.
At the end of it, Karen gave me her number again.
Did I call it this time?
Yes
And I'm pleased to say I've had my friend Karen as a guest on my radio show a couple of times, we talked music, we talked life, she is a total fucking delight, an absolute Goddess and
the toughest motherfucker in rock and roll and I WILL TAKE NO ARGUMENT!
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, THAT was the single, greatest, most surreal moment of my life so far.
Thank you very much, you've been awesome.
Thank you
GOODNIGHT"